Tuesday, October 6, 2020

FRACTS for 2020

NOTE: These "fracts" contain not one shred of truth... but, these days, does that stop anyone from quoting them?

2020.10.07.001    A man in Flatonia Texas said today, "Face masks are dangerous because... well... because... well, just because."

2020.10.07.002    If you can't purchase ready-made hand sanitizer, you can make it from ground-up webcams... if you can find one.

2020.10.07.003    String theory predicts that a guitarist will play a lick so fast that we will all be propelled into another dimension. (RIP Eddie Van Halen who, in 1978, did just that!)

2020.10.07.004    A year-old, flat-broke, pigmy octopus is smarter than a self-proclaimed 74 year old billionaire.

2020.10.07.005    If you fold a paper in half, it will actually be the same size it was originally. Due to a puzzling optical illusion, it appears smaller.

2020.10.07.006    Two computer chips were successfully cloned in Montana by a confused biologist.

2020.10.07.007    Samsung has a new disk drive providing a Googolplex of memory. Excited geeks were then disappointed to learn that it was BITS, not BYTES. 

2020.10.07.008    The newest James Bond movie will feature 9-year old Iian Armatage in "The Spy Who Babysat Me", and will premiere as soon as the producer can get parental approval.

2020.10.07.009    Make up your own damn fract 009... geez... lazy bums.

2020.10.07.010    It was officially announced that there now are more podcasts than potential podcast listeners. Those that don't have podcasts, have YouTube channels.

2020.10.07.011    The first Googolplex memory is still not large enough to store all the podcasts and YouTube videos. 

2020.10.07.012    The Googolplex hard drive will take 17,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 millennia to backup onto the, ironically required, 5 1/4 inch floppy disks. Or maybe more.

2020.10.07.013    The human race spends a cumulative 300,000,000 hours daily thinking of ways to confound telemarketers.

2020.10.07.014    MIT mathematician, Gordon Flashmann, today proved that, in fact, you can win 'em all. He said, when interviewed, that next, he intends to show that you can have your cake and eat it, too. Still believed to be unprovable, though, is this long theorized equation:
Birdhand = 2 x Birdbush.

2020.10.07.015    Turns out, Mr. Burns is not dead... he's a cartoon, dummy!

2020.10.07.016    TV producers today ran out of ideas for new reality series.

2020.10.07.017    When you break an egg into a skillet, a light bulb illuminates somewhere in China.

2020.10.07.018    I'm tired and gonna go to bed. FACT, not FRACT!


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